My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
