I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
