There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize