I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
