There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
