Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize