Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
