I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize