Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Randomize
