I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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