I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize