Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
