I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
