a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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