we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
