He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
