I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
