do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
