I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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