Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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