Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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