so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this is an emotional support booty call
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
