So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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