oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am one with the molecules
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
