now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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