Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
