Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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