I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's always time for handjobs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize