dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
