I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
