By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize