So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
