"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
