I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
