i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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