Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize