things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
