apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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