I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
