last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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