Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
