At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
