if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
