wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
