My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
