Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
