I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
