Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
