so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
