That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
