when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
