So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
