walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
