let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
