...so i touched it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
