Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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