All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We left the knife in your bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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