toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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