maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
