I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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