I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My dick has a subreddit
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize