I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
