btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
