dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
