I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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