went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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