She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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