i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
