I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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