I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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