he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
foreskin is a definite game changer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
