This is not my ceiling
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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