You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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