Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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