Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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