He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
