no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize