Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
