I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
