I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
