problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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