Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
