I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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