I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
