Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
