$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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