I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize