One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
