So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
