If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Text me some of your sweat
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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