lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
