i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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