I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no you cant smoke seaweed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
