you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You took a bar mat shot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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