We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
