Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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