Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
