Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
