3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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