It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
