i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
