Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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