GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
