Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
