Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize