Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
