Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
