My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What a dumb baby whore.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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