Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
